Today's passage is painfully
instructive of the "mechanics" of sin. By mechanics, I mean the
mechanisms by which sin gains its control over us. We can learn much by the
failures in today's story:
(2 Sam 13 NIV) In the course of time, Amnon son of David
fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David. {2}
Amnon became frustrated to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar,
for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.
{3} Now Amnon had a friend named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David's brother.
Jonadab was a very shrewd man. {4} He asked Amnon, "Why do you, the king's
son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won't you tell me?" Amnon said
to him, "I'm in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister." {5}
"Go to bed and pretend to be ill," Jonadab said. "When your
father comes to see you, say to him, 'I would like my sister Tamar to come and
give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch
her and then eat it from her hand.'" {6} So Amnon lay down and pretended
to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, "I would like
my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat
from her hand." {7} David sent word to Tamar at the palace: "Go to
the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him." {8} So
Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some
dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it. {9} Then she took
the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat. "Send everyone
out of here," Amnon said. So everyone left him. {10} Then Amnon said to
Tamar, "Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand."
And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon
in his bedroom. {11} But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and
said, "Come to bed with me, my sister." {12} "Don't, my
brother!" she said to him. "Don't force me. Such a thing should not
be done in Israel! Don't do this wicked thing. {13} What about me? Where could
I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the
wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from
being married to you." {14} But he refused to listen to her, and since he
was stronger than she, he raped her. {15} Then Amnon hated her with intense
hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her,
"Get up and get out!" {16} "No!" she said to him. "Sending
me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me."
But he refused to listen to her. {17} He called his personal servant and said,
"Get this woman out of here and bolt the door after her." {18} So his
servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing a richly
ornamented robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the
king wore. {19} Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornamented robe she
was wearing. She put her hand on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she
went. {20} Her brother Absalom said to her, "Has that Amnon, your brother,
been with you? Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don't take this
thing to heart." And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom's house, a desolate
woman. {21} When King David heard all this, he was furious. {22} Absalom never
said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had
disgraced his sister Tamar. {23} Two years later, when Absalom's sheepshearers
were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim, he invited all the king's sons
to come there. {24} Absalom went to the king and said, "Your servant has
had shearers come. Will the king and his officials please join me?" {25}
"No, my son," the king replied. "All of us should not go; we would
only be a burden to you." Although Absalom urged him, he still refused to
go, but gave him his blessing. {26} Then Absalom said, "If not, please let
my brother Amnon come with us." The king asked him, "Why should he go
with you?" {27} But Absalom urged him, so he sent with him Amnon and the
rest of the king's sons. {28} Absalom ordered his men, "Listen! When Amnon
is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, 'Strike Amnon down,'
then kill him. Don't be afraid. Have not I given you this order? Be strong and
brave." {29} So Absalom's men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then
all the king's sons got up, mounted their mules and fled. {30} While they were
on their way, the report came to David: "Absalom has struck down all the
king's sons; not one of them is left." {31} The king stood up, tore his
clothes and lay down on the ground; and all his servants stood by with their
clothes torn. {32} But Jonadab son of Shimeah, David's brother, said, "My
lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead.
This has been Absalom's expressed intention ever since the day Amnon raped his
sister Tamar. {33} My lord the king should not be concerned about the report
that all the king's sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead." {34} Meanwhile,
Absalom had fled. Now the man standing watch looked up and saw many people on
the road west of him, coming down the side of the hill. The watchman went and
told the king, "I see men in the direction of Horonaim, on the side of the
hill." {35} Jonadab said to the king, "See, the king's sons are here;
it has happened just as your servant said." {36} As he finished speaking,
the king's sons came in, wailing loudly. The king, too, and all his servants
wept very bitterly. {37} Absalom fled and went to Talmai son of Ammihud, the
king of Geshur. But King David mourned for his son every day. {38} After
Absalom fled and went to Geshur, he stayed there three years. {39} And the
spirit of the king longed to go to Absalom, for he was consoled concerning
Amnon's death.
External Mechanics
Let us first consider the
external factors that work upon us to keep us in sin.
Children learn best by
example- even bad examples.
It is a truism among parents that
we say, "Do what I say, not what I do." We all know that this does
not work, but we keep using it because we think we have no other choice. (We
do, as we will see later.)
- David chased after a forbidden
woman (Bathsheba); his oldest son does likewise, his step-sister Tamar.
- To cover the crime of murder,
Absalom gets Amnon drunk - just as David got Uriah drunk.
- To cover his sexual sin, David
resorted to murder. Absalom resorted to murder to revenge a sexual sin.
In a sense, the sins of the
father are being "visited upon" the children - by example.
Sin increased by having the
wrong friends
Your mother told you to be
careful in picking your friends. Amnon was careless. He had his cousin
Jonadab for a friend.
- Jonadab was a "sin
enabler." He relished getting other people into trouble. Have you
ever had a friend who was quick to find ways for you to get into trouble?
That's no friend, is it?
- Jonadab is a smoother, a man of
glib tongue. When the first reports are brought in, he's the one who
says, it was only one son. This is a man who minimizes sin, who covers it
in a blanket of soothing words - and thus sin continues to increase.
- Jonadab is also a flatterer -
Amnon is the king's oldest son, and presumably heir, and this guy hovers
around him. When you have power, this is a particular danger.
The spiral of revenge
One of the most powerful external
mechanics of sin is revenge. Taking revenge is sinful in and of itself, but it
also tends to increase the sin of others. Sadly, as Machiavelli said,
"Men avenge slight insults, not grave ones." Here is a counter
example, but for most of us our revenge is confined to trivial insults. But
once our pride is engaged, the power of revenge is awesome.
Have you ever seen an office feud
that went on for years? That's revenge. The original argument is long
forgotten; only the latest offense counts. There is always a "latest
offense," on both sides.
Internal Mechanics
The starting place of sin,
however, is the human heart. The sad fact is that our prior evil deeds give
Satan a handle with which to grab us. We see in this passage how David's guilt
and pride combine to render him helpless in a matter which should be a major
concern. The remarkable feature of this passage is not what David does - it is
what he does not do.
- Why did David grant Amnon's
request in the first place? Was it possible that he did not see the
potential danger? It certainly wasn't for any medicinal reason! Perhaps
he understood Amnon's intentions quite well, but wasn't prepared for this
result.
- After the rape, did David
punish Amnon, as the king should? No; he got angry - and did nothing.
Was this not because it would appear so hypocritical to do so? David's
pride would not let him appear as such.
- Indeed, David did nothing for
Tamar, his daughter. The Old Testament Law forbids such marriage, but Tamar
was right in saying that David would grant this, for this too is the Law.
When a girl who is not betrothed is raped, the man is forced to marry her,
with no possibility of divorce. This was to take away the disgrace of not
being a virgin. David did not even do this.
- When Absalom asks for Amnon to
come to the shearing, David is suspicious - but doesn't push it. Perhaps
this is because he didn't press the question when Amnon came with his
strange request.
- Finally, after the murder,
David does not pursue, or even send pursuit, of Absalom. How does a man
guilty of adultery and murder chastise another murderer?
Forbidden Fruit
Parents have known for years:
"No, you can't have broccoli. It's an adult treat. You can't have
it." That's the method you use to get your kids to try broccoli. It
relies on a constant of human nature: If it's forbidden, we want it. It's
been that way since the Garden of Eden.
The Old Testament Law prohibits
Amnon from marrying his step-sister Tamar - and she therefore is forbidden
fruit. Consider two things about such:
- The problem here is not in
Tamar's beauty but in Amnon's eyes. The lust is there.
- But - if the fruit is
forbidden, doesn't that mean there is a reason? Does God forbid what is
good and right?
Guilt must be transferred
Of all the drivers behind sin,
this may be the most insidious. Why did Amnon's lust, which he described as
love, turn so suddenly into hate? Was it not because the enormous guilt inside
him had to go somewhere? Since he could not live with it, it must be her fault
- look at the mess she got him in! So he compounds his sin to deal with his
guilt - just as David added murder to adultery.
The cure for the mechanics
There is no sense describing the
problem if you are not willing to tackle the solution. This entire episode is
full of things which someone did not do. There is a very compact
example of the right way to handle these things in the New Testament, the much
neglected book of Philemon. If you will recall our study on that, you will
recall its three characters and how they worked together to break the cycle of
sin.
Philemon
- Philemon was a generous man;
because he was not one to hoard his wealth, he could forgive one who stole
from him.
- Philemon was a man of prayer,
and in his time of prayer he could know the heart of forgiveness the Lord
desires.
- Philemon was an example of the
faith; his righteousness now gives birth to further righteousness.
Onesimus
- Onesimus was a man willing to
repent at the call of Christ.
- Onesimus was willing to go back
to his master - and take the risk of not being forgiven.
Paul
- Paul avoided the problem of his
own sin by publicly acknowledging it, putting it on display - and
therefore gave no handle for Satan.
- Paul was not disturbed either
by the sin or the sinner, but kept his eyes on Christ.
- Most important, Paul was
willing to seek forgiveness for Onesimus from Philemon - at Paul's
expense.
Sin abounds; but we can break
the cycle of sin if we try. As Paul taught us:
(2 Cor 5:17-21 NIV) Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he
is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! {18} All this is from
God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of
reconciliation: {19} that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ,
not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of
reconciliation. {20} We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were
making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled
to God. {21} God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we
might become the righteousness of God.
David did not enter into the
ministry of reconciliation - and paid dearly for that failure. May it please
God that we should not make the same mistake.