Christian Submission
This lesson had its roots in a sermon by
Bruce White. Mr. White (a minister for whom I have great
respect) infuriated me with a sermon that, in my opinion,
pandered to the "Church of What's Happening Now" - our long
running desire to show the world that the church is up to date
and with it. In this case, "with it" meant flowing along with
feminist theology. But all that is not eternal is eternally out
of date.
It did, however, challenge me to examine the
concept of Christian Submission. It forced me to clarify my own
thinking on the subject. This lesson is a result of that
challenge, and to the extent that it reflects God's will I am
obliged to Bruce for the inspiration. The errors, of course,
remain my own.
Submission in General
Bruce's sermon was well received by the
congregation, for in it he acknowledged that we, as American
Christians, just don't like the word "submission." This is the
root of the problem, so let us begin by examining Christian
Submission in general. We will then apply our learning to the
marriage relationship.
All Christians are in submission
First, and foremost, we are all in submission
to Jesus Christ. If submission in general is objectionable, so
is Christianity. I suspect, therefore, that the objection is not
to submission but to submission to another human being - in
particular, wives submitting to husbands. Husbands are sinners,
and in (to be statistical about it) 50% of marriages are the dim
witted partner. But consider:
·
Even Christ Himself was in
submission - to his parents as a child and to his
heavenly Father.
·
As Christians, we are
commanded to submit ourselves to each other.
With that example, and that command, how can
we object to submission?
The Nature of the Submission Relationship
Submission has a meaning in the world, and a
meaning in the church - and they are different. We will focus on
submission relationships in the church, but occasionally will
compare them to the world as well.
Submission relationships are common
throughout the church:
·
We are commanded to be in
submission to those in authority over us.
·
Students are in submission
to teachers
·
All members are in
submission to elders (including the preacher).
·
Penitents are in submission
to those who render church discipline
·
Disputants are in submission
to those who perform mediation
·
Children are in submission
to parents
If we are to correctly understand the nature
of this relationship, we must see what these relationships have
in common.
Authority. In the church, all authority
belongs to Christ. In the world, authority often grows out of
the barrel of a cannon. Therefore, authority in the church is
sanctioned by God, while authority in the world may not be. If
you accept that authority, then, you must accept with it the
responsibility. If you pretend to the authority and do not
accept the responsibility, it is sin.
Let me give you an example. I'm a teacher. On
occasion I have had to intervene in the lives of my students to
prevent them from hurting each other. Suppose I did this by
walking into your house at 3:00 AM in the morning and standing
between you and your spouse. Do I have the authority to do this?
Of course. Do I therefore have the authority to walk into your
house any time I want? Of course not. Authority comes with, and
only with, responsibility.
Responsibility. It is all too common in
the working world to find that you have all the responsibility
and none of the authority. But in the church, responsibility and
authority match exactly, for they flow from precisely the same
source - the commands of Christ. If you have the responsibility,
you automatically have the authority. Any mismatch between the
two is sin. If you have the responsibility, and deny the
authority, you deny your Lord's authority. If you have the
authority and fail the responsibility, you are a poor steward of
what God has given you.
Task. But what about the person in
submission? What is their task? In the world their task is often
greater than it should be. But in the church their task is quite
simple: whatever it takes to accomplish the task of the one in
authority, they are to assist in that - so as to bring joy.
(Heb 13:17 NIV) Obey your
leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you
as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work
will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage
to you.
If you are to obey those in authority to the
point of making their task a joy, how much more should you do in
marriage?
Note, too, that authority and submission
do not match. Usually, (like our example above) submission
has a much greater theoretical range than authority. That's
perfectly normal; submission is much harder to abuse.
Voluntary Nature. The world believes in
the draft board. Christians are all volunteers. So all
submission relationships in the church are voluntary. I am Lord
and Master of my house - and I have my wife's permission to say
so.
Reason for Existence. The reason for
submission relationships in the world varies; it could be power,
or greed, or any number of things. But in the church there is
only one reason why these relationships exist: sin. You think
not?
·
"In Christ there is neither
Jew nor Greek…" - why? Because when we are in Christ the
Father sees us as sinless - and therefore there is no
need for such a relationship.
·
Even in the Garden of Eden
it was so. Eve's equality with Adam is often proclaimed
at weddings - but note that her submission to him comes
after the Fall.
·
But it is not always the
person in submission whose sin causes the relationship.
Indeed, Paul tells us that one reason for marriage is so
that the husband will not commit fornication or
adultery.
Bible teachers would not be needed - if sin
did not exist. This does not mean that the teacher is less a
sinner than the taught. But the prevention and remediation of
sin is one of the great themes of teaching the Gospel.
People in the submission relationship
The theory may sound abstract; let us bring
it down to a more personal level.
Beneficiary. The primary beneficiary of a
submission relationship - in the church, not in the world - is
the person in submission.
·
Students are in submission
to their teachers - but who benefits the most?
·
Children are in submission
to their parents - and who benefits?
·
Penitents get far more
benefit than those who discipline them.
·
Elders are worthy of honor
for their hard work - in shepherding the flock.
·
The greatest example is in
Christ - by submission to Him, through grace, we obtain
salvation and eternal life. Who is the primary
beneficiary? And this is the relationship which is
modeled in marriage.
Nature of Leadership. Pomp and ceremony
may attend the world's leaders, but the church knows only one
model of leadership: servant leadership. We see it most clearly
in Christ washing the feet of his disciples. Paul gives us
another example, this one of people whose reputation is unknown
to us:
(1 Cor 16:15-16 NIV) You
know that the household of Stephanas were the first converts in
Achaia, and they have devoted themselves to the service of the
saints. I urge you, brothers, {16} to submit to such as these
and to everyone who joins in the work, and labors at it.
Motivation. The world's motivations may
vary, but in the church there is only one motivation for a
submission relationship: love. If you are placed in authority
over someone in the church, you are commanded to love them.
Consider it well in the world. Who was the
best "boss" you ever had? Do you esteem him or her that way
because of efficiency, or mental brilliance - or because he or
she cared for you?
Judgment. It is a grave matter to misuse
the authority that Christ gives you. Many of us condemned Bill
Clinton for his affair with Monica Lewinsky - and not just for
the adultery, but the misuse of power. It is as James tells us:
(James 3:1 NIV) Not many
of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you
know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.
God's promises to those in submission
It is a principle of Scripture that those who
place themselves in submission to those authorities God has
ordained - and especially when they suffer for it - are blessed
by God.
·
We are told this explicitly
of civil authorities.
·
We are told this of women,
being blessed in childbearing.
·
Want a great example? Look
at Hagar.
Submission for the sake of the Kingdom
Sometimes God commands that we place
ourselves in submission not because of our own sin but for the
sake of the kingdom - and the salvation of others from sin. Sin
is the root cause; the spread of the kingdom is the immediate
cause.
·
Women were to be silent in
church, lest the church be brought into disgrace in a
time when women did not speak in public.
·
Slaves were to accept unjust
punishment in the same spirit that Christ showed - so
that the Kingdom might be seen by unbelievers.
·
Wives, likewise, were to be
in submission to non-believing husbands so that by their
gentle spirits the husband might be won to Christ.
That last is important, of course. But in
what follows we will be discussing a marriage between Christians
- as such, it is an ideal. It happens when both partners are
Christians and both are working hard to build their marriage
into what God wants it to be. But should we not know where the
target is before we start shooting?
Submission in Marriage
Marriage is given to us as the picture of the
relationship between Christ and His Church. Why was I so mad at
Bruce? Because he teaches that submission doesn't mean
submission; it means merely "respect." If that is so, then may I
ask:
·
Is the Church to be in
submission to Christ, or merely respect Him?
·
If it's really "respect" -
how were the translators so fooled? (Though I have no
doubt that the new "gender accurate" version of the NIV
will remedy this).
Submission means submission. So let's look at
the specifics as we did at the general case.
Nature of the relationship
As stated, the authority defines the
responsibility and vice-versa. So then, what is the authority
and responsibility of the husband?
·
To love his wife as Christ
loved the church.
·
To make her holy, as Christ
did the church. In other words, he is responsible for
her spiritual maturity.
·
Not to be harsh with her.
·
But rather to be considerate
of her and respectful to her - so that nothing will
hinder your prayers!
Husband, you are to be the spiritual leader
of the household - and if the spiritual leadership is right, all
else will fall into place. "The main thing is to keep the main
thing, the main thing."
But what of the wife? How is she supposed to
behave? Remember that authority and submission do not match. If
we are to be obedient and submissive to those in civil authority
over us, to the point that their tasks become a joy, how much
more should women be obedient to their husbands! Indeed, I would
submit: wife, your task is to make your husband's authority over
you a joy to him. And how are you to do this?
·
First, you are to submit to
him as to the Lord. The same level of obedience is
required. (Are you afraid? Perfect love casts out fear -
gentlemen.)
·
You are to do so in purity,
reverence and a gentle and quiet spirit. Remember, he is
your spiritual leader.
Remember, this is a voluntary relationship
(on both parts).
Do you remember that I said that such
relationships exist because of sin? One purpose of marriage is
to prevent the sin of fornication; another, to prevent adultery.
But kindly remember who is responsible in this: the man.
Another such prevention is this: go down to
the courts of our land. Look at the juveniles going through
them. Over and again you will see the products of a broken home.
A marriage like this is designed to prevent the sin of the
children.
Does this seem a burden, ladies? Remember
that the beneficiary of this relationship is you. This
comes, however, of having a husband who is a servant-leader, not
an arrogant tyrant. If his motivation is love (agape),
tyranny will flee from his mind.
A word of warning to the husbands: do not
think you can get away with abusing this relationship. Hear the
word of the Lord:
(Mal 2:13-16 NIV) Another
thing you do: You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep
and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings
or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. {14} You ask,
"Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between
you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith
with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage
covenant. {15} Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and
spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly
offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break
faith with the wife of your youth. {16} "I hate divorce," says
the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself
with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD
Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break
faith.
Submission in marriage is a dance - in which
the male always leads.
Observations from the teacher
The "Proverbs 31" woman
We often hear Proverbs 31 quoted about the
ideal woman. Many have held that this passage means that a woman
should stay home and be kept barefoot and pregnant in the
kitchen. But consider:
·
Read the passage again.
Who's handling the family checkbook?
·
Who's doing the real estate
transactions?
This is not about money, or who's doing the
dishes tonight - it's about spiritual leadership. Where your
heart is, your treasure will be also. This is about things which
are eternal, and which will come to light on the day of
judgment.
Women get old
I can almost hear the objection. "John," he
will say, "you don't understand. When I married her, she was a
babe! Now look at her! I deserve better than that, don't I?"
·
Did she get this way at her
own command - or because God causes aging to happen to
all? Would you condemn what God has created and called
"very good?"
·
Are you so taken by the
cheap things of life that you cannot see the things of
real value? Outer beauty is cheap. Inner beauty is
precious.
·
And what is inner beauty?
Chrysostom lists it simply as affection, gentleness and
humility - and that's a good start. Look for the inner
beauty in a woman, and praise it.
Advice from an old saint
I cannot omit this passage. It was written
1500 years ago, but in circumstance very like our own day. It
has not lost its relevance:
Do you want your wife to be obedient to you,
as the Church is to Christ? Then be responsible for the same
providential care for her, as Christ is for the Church. And even
if it becomes necessary for you to give your life for her, yes,
and even to endure and undergo suffering of any kind, do not
refuse. Even though you undergo all this, you will never have
done anything equal to what Christ has done. You are sacrificing
yourself for someone to whom you are already joined, but He
offered Himself up for one who turned her back on Him and hated
Him. In the same way, then, as He honored her by putting at His
feet one who turned her back on Him, who hated, rejected and
disdained Him, as he accomplished this not with threats, or
violence, or terror, or anything else like that, but through his
untiring love; so also you should behave toward your wife. Even
if you see her belittling you, or despising and mocking you,
still you will be able to subject her to yourself, through
affection, kindness and your great regard for her. There is no
influence more powerful than the bond of love, especially for
husband and wife. A servant can be taught submission through
fear; but even he, if provoked too much, will soon seek his
escape. But one's partner for life, the mother of one's
children, the source of one's every joy, should never be
fettered with fear and threats, but with love and patience. What
kind of marriage can there be when the wife is afraid of her
husband? What sort of satisfaction could a husband himself have,
if he lives with his wife as if she were a slave, and not a
woman by her own free will? Suffer anything for her sake, but
never disgrace her, for Christ never did this with the Church.
Advice from a newer saint
It has taken me many years to come to the
point in my marriage where I have even begun to understand what
Christ commands of me. My wife has suffered through much. It
even came to this:
One year, our class went on a retreat to
Arrowhead Springs. I was to deliver the communion meditation
Sunday morning. I "chose" to speak on the subject of forgiveness
being required before communion could be had. As I was speaking,
the Spirit moved in me and convicted me of the embarrassment I
had given my wife in my constant barbs during my teaching. A
teacher must be an example. I went to my knees before her, in
front of the class, and asked her forgiveness for my
mean-spirited ways.
God has taken that forgiveness and magnified
it into beauty. Husband, if you will be obedient to your Lord
Jesus Christ, and love your wife, her submission will blossom
into your joy.
